Thursday, May 3, 2012

A totally irrelevant ramble.

My subconscious sends me messages in my sleep. I'm beginning to think it hates me.

My past isn't sunshine and roses. The emotions tied to my past are largely negative. And just when I think that I've finally let it all go and started to move on, here comes my subconscious to remind me: "No, you haven't. It still hurts. You're just hiding."

So I guess the question becomes: How do you let go of a past that won't let go of you? My past still has its sharp, poisoned talons deep in my heart, and I don't know how to dislodge them. So far, prayers that God will help me move past all this has only brought days and nights full of memories I don't want to have anymore. I don't want to remember, because I don't know how to deal with it. I'd love to just "put the past behind me" and move on, but my attempts to do so thus far have only resulted in it at my back, waiting for a chance to strike.

How do you move on from the past when it still hurts?

I've read psychology articles and books, I've talked to psych students, I've studied as much as I can stand to - all to figure this one out. The answers I can find seem like crap. Validate the emotion and then you can move on. But how do you validate an emotion from years ago that - logically - should not even be felt anymore?


It's Thursday, and I really just want to go back to sleep and start today over again...except that my subconscious is hard on my heels and I don't want to deal with it.

Oh, and netflix and laundry and dishes and about a million other things call my name today. Time to get a move on.

No comments:

Post a Comment