Sunday, February 12, 2012

crazy me (rant)

So Valentines day is one of those not a big deal but totally a huge deal things for me. I'm not going to be devastated that he's not getting me a card or planning some super sweet romantic date or something like that, but I'm bummed to the point of borderline depression about it? This makes no freaking sense, and is one of the reasons I occasionally hate being a girl.

At first, my logical mind recognized that I would want, and probably emotionally need, to do something special for Valentines day. We fought through it last year, and this year everything is so mucked up I figured I'd really just need that something extra to help me not go into some practically inexplicable three week crying stint. So, I told him that. He asked me what I wanted to do and my emotional response was: Dude, this part is supposed to be your job. But we agreed early on that he's just not the date planner. So I told him ice cream and a movie. Date night, but with ice cream instead of a dinner with the potential to screw with his digestive system, right?

Well, then we were in the area of an amazing ice cream place last week and he suggested we do the ice cream part that day and the movie part later, and I can never turn down ice cream, so I agreed. Except, shortly after finishing the ice cream I realized that a movie with no dinner and no ice cream is just a movie and there weren't any in theaters that I want to see right now.

We went through another five "I think I want to do this instead" talks before I decided on pizza (and ice cream!) at home, watching something with him. I was sure I could get him to watch a chick flick with me. And if not, at least I enjoy the shows we normally watch via netflix.

Then the other night I was craving pizza and the meat for the chili hadn't thawed, so I figured we'd to pizza and ice cream that night instead of valentine's and it would all be good. And it was, except there was no ice cream and we watched some lame movie about computer hackers in the late 80s/early 90s - which he kept pointing out the flaws of. I'm never watching a movie that has something to do with computers with him again. And the whole thing was totally not emotionally what I wanted it to be.

So now here I am, with Valentines day on Tuesday and no plans left and no money to spare and feeling bummed. It's not because it's valentines day, exactly. At least my logical mind doesn't think so. My emotions are whacked. But my logical mind is sure that I just was really hoping the romantically-themed holiday would bring me something special and other than what we've been going through since he lost his job. And it isn't going to. The things we've done "for valentines day" were complete disappointments and I don't even fully understand why.

And in all of this, there are only a few things I really know.
1) he really is too awesome to have to put up with this because
2) I'm just plain nuts. And
3) I really want a super big helping of ice cream and a chick flick.


  1. As a side note, maybe what I'm actually looking for is just a small group of female friends who will do ice cream and chick flicks with me. But...I don't know how to find those either.

  2. hmm...there is a need in all of us (women) to be romanced. To get something we didn't ask for because we totally deserve it and the one we want to feel like we deserved it knows we do and wants to get it for us. It may be a "thing" or time or whatever meets the need of our particular love language. The Ice Cream part I will totally take the blame/credit for. whenever we did something special we always had treats. It's part of my insanity..sorry I passed it on. the rest is just normal. The tough part comes in when you don't have ANY money (which you know I understand completely!) and/or you married a guy who just isn't romantic (I agree, skip the computer movies). I cannot say how you two can work it out so that you get what you need without the overwhelming feeling of guilt we women are prone to..but thus far he seems to be a pretty reasonable guy and if you ask for something specific and measurable..he will probably go out of his way to do it for you. My thing is cards. They mean allot to me and after much personal examination I decided that if I had to have just one thing, one specific, measurable, "Babe, you really can't screw this up" kind of thing, for both our sakes, it would have to be a GOOD card. You have a day to figure it out. take a notepad and go for a walk..sit down under a tree and write until it starts to make sense. One last bit of advice...if cards are what mean allot to you, make sure you tell him they have to be signed or they don't count ;)

    1. We both get the need to be romanced thing. It's really just the money that's standing in the way. Without that as an obstacle, he's super romantic and super considerate and super in tune with what I need. I can just leave it to him and he'll come up with something that is sweet and spot-on.

      But...with no money we go into survival mode. Which means the rules change. I identify core need for me to not explode into pieces all over him, and he does his best to provide.

      I'm just hard to satisfy sometimes, especially when even I don't know what I want/need.