So Valentines day is one of those not a big deal but totally a huge deal things for me. I'm not going to be devastated that he's not getting me a card or planning some super sweet romantic date or something like that, but I'm bummed to the point of borderline depression about it? This makes no freaking sense, and is one of the reasons I occasionally hate being a girl.
At first, my logical mind recognized that I would want, and probably emotionally need, to do something special for Valentines day. We fought through it last year, and this year everything is so mucked up I figured I'd really just need that something extra to help me not go into some practically inexplicable three week crying stint. So, I told him that. He asked me what I wanted to do and my emotional response was: Dude, this part is supposed to be your job. But we agreed early on that he's just not the date planner. So I told him ice cream and a movie. Date night, but with ice cream instead of a dinner with the potential to screw with his digestive system, right?
Well, then we were in the area of an amazing ice cream place last week and he suggested we do the ice cream part that day and the movie part later, and I can never turn down ice cream, so I agreed. Except, shortly after finishing the ice cream I realized that a movie with no dinner and no ice cream is just a movie and there weren't any in theaters that I want to see right now.
We went through another five "I think I want to do this instead" talks before I decided on pizza (and ice cream!) at home, watching something with him. I was sure I could get him to watch a chick flick with me. And if not, at least I enjoy the shows we normally watch via netflix.
Then the other night I was craving pizza and the meat for the chili hadn't thawed, so I figured we'd to pizza and ice cream that night instead of valentine's and it would all be good. And it was, except there was no ice cream and we watched some lame movie about computer hackers in the late 80s/early 90s - which he kept pointing out the flaws of. I'm never watching a movie that has something to do with computers with him again. And the whole thing was totally not emotionally what I wanted it to be.
So now here I am, with Valentines day on Tuesday and no plans left and no money to spare and feeling bummed. It's not because it's valentines day, exactly. At least my logical mind doesn't think so. My emotions are whacked. But my logical mind is sure that I just was really hoping the romantically-themed holiday would bring me something special and other than what we've been going through since he lost his job. And it isn't going to. The things we've done "for valentines day" were complete disappointments and I don't even fully understand why.
And in all of this, there are only a few things I really know.
1) he really is too awesome to have to put up with this because
2) I'm just plain nuts. And
3) I really want a super big helping of ice cream and a chick flick.